Since we decided to dive with both feet in on this journey, we had been worried about finances. Not that we are having financial difficulty with our every day life-but coming up with that large lump amount for the adoption is nerve wracking. We had been saving as much as possible and wanted to avoid any debt if possible, including credit card charges and loans. So we started brainstorming ways to make extra income.
One of my close friends had approached me about doing a craft show they host about every quarter at our local VFW. I have always loved doing crafts, but was unsure if I was "good enough" to sell what I would make. I decided there was no harm in trying and should give it a shot. My mom and I (along with my aunt) worked many late nights and weekends to get these crafts done. It was definitely a learning experience--we were all over the map, excited to try different designs and going overboard because we were clueless on how much to have as an inventory. Yet, it was tons of fun and as a family we got to bond! We had made cloth pumpkins, wooden welcome door signs, scarecrow yard art, pumpkin and apple butter as well as fall scented body scrubs. October 5th was the big day and my nerves were kicked in. I knew our work looked good, but as I mentioned, I just didn't know how customers would perceive it. But you know what, it was a HUGE success! It was a great experience for my first vendor show. We had a steady amount of people come by and purchase and I even had customers place orders (I had taken pictures of items I only made one of in the chance it was a "popular" item). Despite my card reader not scanning properly, we were able to manually input; the sun was scorching hot and I got sunburned, and Lee was STILL deployed and so it was just mom and I but we managed, those were all just minor issues and I still think it was a great turn out and experience. We had been collaborating with a local venue to host a fundraiser dinner and this craft show also presented a perfect time to advertise this upcoming event. Thank you to Christi and Ryan for allowing us to be vendors in your show, as well as some of our friends that came by and showed support and/or bought items from our booth-Kristen, Valarie, Brittany, Brooke, Danielle, Devin, Becki and I'm sure more! Also a huge thank you to my work family--Kaylee and Mitch for helping me with the boards!
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As I mentioned in the previous post, when we first thought about embarking on the journey of adoption, the military branch my husband works for was sequestered, which was one reason that stopped us from proceeding. However, July of 2019, we were able to have all our ducks in a row and move forward for real this time.
Lee was deployed in May for a while but came home in July. Of course we had several encounters come our way during this time period--see other posts for details on these events. We were able to reconnect to the social worker we were in communication prior with and quickly went to work. We had paid our $1500 fee, started finger printing and background checks, requested friends to write reference letters and started the paperwork. As mentioned earlier, this initial first step had many, many components to it. Just as soon as we got in the groove to work on our list, we were notified of a last minute deployment for Lee. He was to join with another military branch and was scheduled to be deployed from July until mid October. For some that may not be long, but it is dreadfully long for us. This deployment put us on pause for our adoption process. We could complete the paperwork, but he still needed clearance by a doctor to show he's fit and healthy to parent, have drug screening and tuberculosis testing, etc. We also needed our home study completed, which could not be done until he was back home--all house hold members must be present for this. So although this was our first set back so to speak, we remained hopeful and tried to stay as patient as we could. I on the home front finished any paperwork or other task needed and his job was to just remain safe and come home. I know no adoption process is perfect and each have their own individual struggles which does in a weird way help us stay humble and sane. Our next process is to go ahead with fundraisers and ways to save additional money! In early July we had decided to move forward on adoption. We had previously found an agency we really felt was a good match to us but had put moving forward on the back burner out of fear--fear of the unknown as well as fearful we would be turned away. We know we will be amazing parents and provide that loving and nurturing home; we feel we are missing our piece of our family's puzzle. However, the fear of rejection was not the only thing holding us back.
The military branch my husband is serving had a sequester during this time and we were not receiving pay checks which had lasted quite a while. But we were lucky to have the opportunity to have the supporters in the community help out those affected and we worked side jobs to pay our bills along with my paychecks and our savings to help us get through. This situation also made us fearful that we would be deemed unworthy of a child even though this was something we completely couldn't avoid. Fast forward to July and we were ready to move forward in the process. It has been such uncharted waters. Our friends and extended family have children and seem to not have many fertility issues, if at all; let alone not having gone through the process of adoption or fertility treatments. Despite being in adoption groups on social media for education and support, it does sometimes feel overwhelming and lonely. Regardless, we are certain this is the path intended for us no matter how unfamiliar we are and know we will learn and grow as a couple as we embark on this journey. The paperwork you hear in reference to regarding adoption is no joke. The questions asked are very detailed and require you to really reflect on you and your spouse for various scenarios. Despite how tedious, I really appreciate how "difficult" they make it. I appreciate it in the event that if you truly want to be taken seriously and/or really want this to work, you must put in the time and effort and showing your true self--heart and soul. I recall one of the questionnaires took me HOURS to complete. Yes, it was a bit lengthy, but it took me so long because I'm not one to leave out details, but also it was the reflection of the questions and how much you really need to think out the situation being asked in depth. I remember talking to my mom and telling her that I think this may have been more difficult and scarier than writing for college essays and applications. Some of the documents needed were easy to obtain and others took time, like those questionnaires. Listed is what was expected for us and you may be required to provide this as well, just keep in mind all agencies and states can require different items. We needed to provide a home study application and $1500 fee, confidentiality statement and home study questionnaire for each prospective adoptive parent. Copies of our ID's, birth certificates, marriage license, any prior divorce decrees, employment verification and proof of salary, statement of net worth worksheet and calculations, worksheet indicating your monthly expenses, pictures of all household members (even pets), last three tax returns, copy of health insurance card, statement from health insurance agency detailing when the coverage will begin for adopted children, detailed photos of your home-inside and out, a labeled sketch of the home floor plan-indicating the function of each room along with the placement of fire extinguishers and CO2 detectors, verification of vaccines for pets are up to date. We also had to have our fingerprints ran as a part of our background check for criminal and child abuse clearances, complete a health questionnaire, visit our primary care physician and have them clear you as being in current overall good health, be tested for tuberculosis and have a completed urine drug screen and breathalyzer test. To accompany the home study questionnaire, we also needed to write statement pieces on our plan for storing dangerous equipment out of a child's reach, how we plan to safely cope with potential disasters including evacuations, supervision, and transportation during a fire or severe weather emergency, insurance policies coverage for health, life and/or home, the reason that adoption is desired and how we understand post-placement supervision will be conducted. We also had to notify our immediate supervisors at work because they intend on reaching out to them. And lastly, we needed 3 letter of recommendations. We were so blessed to have four friends write on our behalf such moving letters. Thank you Brandy, Amy & Jon, Aimee and Jeff!! Speaking of which, you know you have amazing friends and you hope you bestow a positive outlook on the friendship you have, but y'all--if you ever are down, just re-read those letters. I cry big 'ole crocodile tears every time. I know it's hard to put into words about someones character and why they are deserving of a child, but to read what some of your closest friends truly think of you is something magical. I will forever be grateful for having them in our lives and helping us in our journey. Lee and I meet in 2008 through mutual college friends. After dating for four years Lee asked me to marry him. In June of 2012 we tied the knot. Within a month of marriage we set out to South Padre Island due to a military assignment. After getting settled we decided the time was right to start growing their family. After trying naturally for 6 months with no luck, my endocrinologist suggested that due to hormone issues and the battle of PCOS, that I seek additional testing from a fertility specialist. Both of us were tested by the fertility specialist to pin point the issue. The specialist told us that we would never have biological children of our own and to basically "give up".
With much sadness and disappointment we tabled the idea of creating a life. Other options of raising and nurturing a child were discussed. However, In October of 2014 we got the surprise of a lifetime. We had went from discussing adoption to a positive pregnancy test. I had visited my OBGYN for conformation and there were TWO heartbeats. We could not have been more excited to prepare for twin boys. During the discovery that I was carrying twins, I quickly learned that I was particularly high risk, I was not only carrying twins but Mono Mono Twins. Which means that the boys shared one amniotic sack, one chorion and one placenta. This is very rare as it only happens in 1 out of 10,000 births. Due to the additional risk I was scheduled to deliver via C-section at 26 weeks. The boys had a 50/50 chance of survival. As if that didn't make me fearful enough, at 20 weeks I went in to the OBGYN for a regular ultrasound follow up to receive devastating news. There was no fetal heartbeat or fetal blood flow, there was no prior indicator that I had lost the babies. Literally no indicators telling me something, anything was wrong. I was suppose to attend my baby shower the next day (since preferred delivery date was in 6 weeks) but instead had an emergency DNC procedure. I was in absolute denial and had requested one more ultrasound prior to being wheeled into the operating room. Struggling to accept reality, I needed to see that monitor one more time. During the procedure the DNC machine malfunctioned and I had to endure a manual DNC procedure. A procedure that should have lasted roughly thirty minutes took five hours, along with hemorrhaging and blood transfusions, my life was on the line. Meanwhile, Lee sat patiently in the waiting room scared that he was going to loose his wife along with the children that he so desperately wanted to father. The pain that I endured was not only emotional but physical as well. Side effects from the procedure left me debilitated while my body struggled to heal from the traumatic procedure. I struggled to overcome the emotional aspects of the loss and was blessed to work from home at the time. Lee buried his emotions in work for temporary relief and upheld a strong shoulder for me to lean on, but I know he was just as devastated on the inside. Shortly after the loss of the boys, Lee was reassigned and we were fortunate enough to move to my hometown of Pearland. At the time I was still working in the medical field in Infectious Diseases and I was able to return to work at Texas Children's Hospital where I faced daily struggles working with ill children. After adjusting and taking the time that we needed to heal, we decided we would seek support of the best fertility clinic Houston had to offer. After various testing, exploratory surgeries to remove scar tissue, and other forms of fertility treatments(clomid, IUI,basal thermal monitoring, ect.) with no success. In November of 2016 decided to give IVF a try after saving and taking out loans. The outlook seemed promising with the amount of eggs that were retrieved and fertilized and the remaining eggs were placed in cryopreservation. The first round of IVF had two eggs that were implanted to increase the odds of a viable pregnancy. After two long weeks of waiting we found out that the embryos did not take. Once more money was saved, we decided to give IVF another go. We are determined and it sounded like a sure thing despite the first round failing. This time we went back to the fertility specialist on May 2nd, 2018 for what we thought was the beginning process of IVF round two. We instead were informed that testing the embryos for viability was now needed prior to being able to begin round two. So we saved some more and asked friends and family for assistance to help make our dream a reality. After testing the viability and still having enough embryos, God answered our prayers--the second round of IVF worked and I was pregnant! Our joy was short lived however. Early on I started having bleeding and clotting issues and frequent visits for emergency ultrasounds. I miscarried around 10 weeks pregnant. We continued to be hopeful and prayed to be blessed with children. So after grieving the loss of my 16 year old Chihuahua, we decided to save yet again and did a third IVF transfer in December 2018. This time it was unsuccessful with no explanation of why. With our last 2 embroys left, we decided summer of 2019 would be the perfect timing to rest and de-stress after more loss was endured in our family--our 12 year old weimaraner passed away on the last day of school and then a week later, my grandfather passed away. It certainly had been a difficult year filled with loss, but this summer was going to turn all this sadness around, right? Well, in fact, it did! Lee was deployed on a military mission, but my friends and family were there to help with the last and final fourth round of IVF. I was indeed pregnant again!! Lee and I had decided not to tell him the news until he came home from his mission that if I was pregnant; that way I could do the big surprise to announce it. Unfortunately, at 9 weeks pregnant my HCG levels were not increasing/doubling as they should and the doctor informed me that although I have no other signs like bleeding and such, the lack of my numbers increasing indicates an impending miscarriage. I was crushed but in denial again. They repeated my blood work several times, yet the result remained the same. I officially miscarried the day Lee came home. We continued to do additional blood work and other testing after the last loss, but no conclusive findings were found. The researcher in me just wants answers as to what's wrong and I've learned to come to reason that we may never know. Adoption has always been something that we have discussed and wanted to do despite having biological children or not; we just got swept up in the whirlwind of fertility treatments. After this last miscarriage in August, we decided my body has been through enough and this must be our time to focus on adoption. We have found a wonderful agency and are so excited to share our journey to finding our stork with you all! |
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